


And then, there were only memories

by whtvr



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake Character Death, Hopeful Ending ?, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whtvr/pseuds/whtvr
Summary: Chas has PTSD and Aaron made a huge mistake. An unexpected event turns everything into a mess and Robert just wants to be left alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance. This was something that started as a dream (more of a nightmare) and I had to get it out of my system. Sorry if the summary is not more detailed but didn't want to spoil to much. Warning: Contains possible major characters death and some graphic elements that might be triggering. I will post the second chapter tomorrow and the next one in the next few days.

Aaron was fussing over his mom in the backroom. Her PTSD had been showing up again and she was been behaving erratically, pushing everyone away and being hysterical every time someone tried to calm her down. Most of the times Aaron was the only one that was able to talk her out of it. She hadn’t been sleeping, the somnambulism had reapered and Paddy was worried that she would hurt herself.

 

“It is okay, I’m here now. It’s okay. You just need to rest”. Aaron said as he guided her to the sofa and sat beside her with his arm around her.

 

“Aaron. You’re here!” Chas said, tears on her eyes and a distant look on her face gazing her son.

 

“Of course I am. Where else would I be?” Aaron said rubbing her back in an effort to reassure her. “Someone bring her a drink.” Aaron said to no one in particular not wanting to leave her side.

 

“You think that’s a good idea?” Robert asked just Paddy left the room to get the drink.

 

“Just one. It will help her relax a bit”. Aaron said trying to catch her eyes that were now lost looking to the other side of the room. “It will help, won’t it mum?” Aaron tried to control his own worries as she only nodded to his question.

 

There was some commotion on the pub side and Aaron signaled Robert with his head to go see what was happening. Robert sighed and looked down to Aaron before asking.

 

“Aaron, are you okay? We need to go. They can show up at any minute.” Robert tried to reason with his husband, but Aaron couldn’t hear it. Not now. His mum needed him.

 

“Then you better go check if it’s them already.” Aaron said rotating “I’ll be fine. I just need to sort her and then we’ll go.” Robert sighed again but left the room.

 

“Everything will be fine, mum.” Aaron said with tears forming on his own eyes and closing them as the pain of what he had to say hit him. “I’m so sorry mum, but i need to leave for a while. Everything is fine. I just need… I’m sorry….” Aaron stopped himself as he sobbed. “Mum...” His voice failing him and breaking not being able to finish the sentence.

 

His phone vibrated and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket to find a text from Robert that read.

 

_ Get out! _

 

Aaron eyes widened before he started to panic, his breath speeding up and his heart racing. He got up quickly to leave, but as he looked at his mother playing with one of the rings in her finger, a surge of emotion run through him. He placed a kiss on his mother forehead. “I love you, mum… And I’m so sorry.” Before the tears and the crying could manifest again, he opened the door to the landing leading to the back exit. He turned around for a final look to his mum and closed it before running to his get away exit.

 

“Aaron Dingle, I’m arresting you on the suspicion of the murder of Billy Fletcher… Anything you say, may be….” The words started to fade away as he backed away into the backroom again. For a second he thought he could outrun the police man that faced him and was blocking his exit if he shoved him away. On the exact second his left foot was planted behind him in preparation, he felt a hand on his shoulder spinning him around.

 

“Mister Dingle!” The voice of PC Whirling brought him back to the moment and he glanced around the room in a desperate look for an exit. “Let’s not make this harder than it needs to be, mister Sugden-Dingle.”

 

_ Sugden-Dingle _

 

The words echoed in his head as he found Robert’s eyes behind PC Whirling. The irony of being called his married name on the day of his arrest for murder, making him smile in apology looking at Robert ignoring the authority figure in front of him.

 

“We need a word at the station, with you too!” The other police had said and pulling Robert’s arm, just when Robert tried to meet his husband.

 

The silence fell into the room as the sound of the cuffs were placed on Aaron’s wrists. “This is ridiculous. You can’t do that!? He’s innocent! Aaron?” Paddy screamed from behind Robert before he stopped himself when Aaron mouthed  _ I’m sorry _ in the direction of Robert.

 

When Chas spoke it was soft and calm. “Aaron. Is it time? Are you going now?” she said as she got up from the sofa and tried to meet Aaron. Paddy immediately grabbed her shoulders to guide her across the room to the kitchen area and away from the scene as much as it was possible.

 

“It’s okay, everything will be fine. They just need to talk to Aaron.” Paddy tried to find a better excuse but not really finding one. He looked back just at the moment when PC Whirling was shoving Aaron to the back exit and intervened. “Hey. No need for that!” He shouted across the room neglecting Chas for a few seconds.

 

Robert shoved his way to Aaron with the distraction and placed his hands on Aaron face. “We’ll sort this. I’ll call the lawyer and we’ll take care of everything.” Robert knew he had to say something to assure Aaron, even if he knew that the effect would be minimal.

 

“We are on our way out now.” PC whirling said, pushing past Robert. “We are taking him to the station now!”

 

“No!” Chas stormed from the kitchen area.  “I need to say a proper goodbye to my son, don’t I?” She asked softly again and pulled Aaron into a hug despite PC Whirling efforts to stop her.

 

Chas held Aaron tight against her, Aaron’s chin resting on her shoulder, his tears falling downs his cheek. “Mum...” He whispered against her ear.

 

“I know, Aaron, I know. Everything will be Okay. Don’t you worry. I’ll make it better. I always do, don’t I?” Chas had said without letting her beautiful son from her embrace as Aaron nodded silently in agreement.

 

Aaron was fighting the tears and his body trembled against her, while he fought the restrains of the cuffs around his wrists that prevented him to hug her tighter.

 

There was a loud gasp released from Aaron’s lips just when Chas had started to let go. His eyes widened in unexpected terror. Robert could see the terror in his husbands eyes, a final look of confusion glanced between them, Robert understanding that something wasn’t right.

 

“Aaron?” Robert asked just to be interrupted by a metallic sound hitting the floor. 

 

“There. It’s all better now. No one will hurt you ever again.” Chas comforted her son as she placed a soft kiss to his forehead when Aaron had stumbled forward and only managed to stand by the effort of the police man behind him. She stepped back letting Robert know of what happened.

 

Robert face was of terror and incredulity when he saw the bloody kitchen knife on the floor between mother and son. 

 

“Aaron?” Robert repeated when Aaron eyes didn’t open, his body falling forward. He caught him by his shoulders shouting. “NO, NO , NO. AARON? PLEASE AARON! NO! NOO!” As Aaron fell forwards on his chest, he placed his arms under Aaron’s to support him in place. He finally screamed in panic. “HELP! HELP ME! SHE STABBED HIM! PADDY. PADDY?!” His voice was high pitched, with anger and desperation as he realized he had been the only one that realized what had just happened.

 

Robert looked at his husband torso to find it soaking from the inside. The  burgundy color trying it’s best to mask the red gushing blood. He pulled him against his body as he screamed Paddy to help him. But Paddy had froze when he saw Chas hands stained red with the blood of her son.

 

“PADDY!”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter was basically the dream that prompted this fic. This chapter is all about Robert POV and giving some background at what happened before and after. Warning: very angsty and sad with some violence at some point. Robert tries to cope with everything that has happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised here is the next chapter. I knew this wouldn't be very popular and I'm writing it mostly for myself because I couldn't stay with how it ended. Every kudos was greatly appreciated so I thank you for them. I can't promise to post the final one tomorrow as I'm still finishing it but it will be posted soon. The next chapter will be the final one.

Robert couldn’t bear to be at the Mill any longer without his husband. Liv was staying with the Dingles and the house was too silent for him to face it. In a few weeks time, it would be Christmas and he couldn’t manage to think that Aaron wouldn’t be here with them. It’s not that the Mill was too empty. It was that it was too full of the memories.

 

He shoved his hands in his leather jacket and walked outside with no clear destination. He just knew he couldn’t be there any longer.

 

Aaron had been in coma for a few weeks after the operation. The knife had punctured his heart and they had managed to repair it, only for Aaron to die unexpectedly on a thursday evening just after Robert had arrived home from another day at his bedside. His heart gave up, was all they had said. He had resisted his injuries for some time but apparently he gave up. Robert had never believed that, knowing that Aaron would never do that to him. The last thing he had said to Aaron was a poor attempt at at joke after he had placed the usual kiss on his husband’s forehead: “See you tomorrow. Maybe you can stop ignoring me by then.” He knew he was being daft thinking that maybe Aaron had heard him, but at the same time he was beating himself up imagining that this could have been the last thing Aaron had heard from his husband.

 

He walked past Aaron’s car parked outside the Mil and smiled at the monstrosity. If he was being completely honest, he never liked that car. Too loud and obnoxious. He smiled as he glanced his reflection on the drivers window, and, for a second, he could swear he had seen Aaron sitting there grinning looking back at him I a sunny day. What an idiot he felt.

 

He looked back at the Mill and tears began to form on his eyes. It had been 4 days he hadn’t left the house after the dreadful news. He had disconnected the speaker phone from the front door and shut down his phone. The hell with it. He just wanted to be alone. Everyone came round to check on him, and he just ignored them all. Everyone but Chas. She had been taken into hospital for treatment and hadn’t come back yet. He didn’t know if she had been told about Aaron. To be bluntly honest, he didn't care. He knew she wasn’t on her right mind when it happened, but he couldn’t help to hate her in that moment. These past days were just a blur. He didn’t sleep, eat or talked to anyone. Couldn’t even manage to go to the hospital for  last goodbye. He wanted to see him for himself, say all the things he wanted to say. Be 100% sure. But at the same time he couldn’t bare the thought of watching Aaron lifeless body. He’d rather remember him when alive, grumpy and all. He would have that over nothing at all now.

 

He walked over he pub, keeping his distance from it, like it would possess him if he got closer. He heard Paddy shouting his name and tried to ignore him as he continued to walk up the road to nowhere in particular.

 

Paddy somehow caught up with him. Robert too concentrated on his own footsteps to hear anyone else's.

 

“It’s this saturday.” Paddy said softly in an attempt to catch his attention.

 

“What is?” Robert asked with no emotion.

 

“The funeral!” Paddy didn’t try to ease him into it. He had to respect him for that.

 

Robert stood there for a few minutes blanking everything around him, the sudden realization shocking him inside his head. Paddy didn’t add anything else. Just waited.

 

Robert tried to pretend he was okay with it all. He looked around him, cleared his throat and started the question.

 

“Do you need me to…” Before he could finish, Paddy interrupted him.

 

“No. It’s all taken care of.” Paddy said with no hesitation. “I just wanted to let you know.”

 

“Thanks!” Robert said fighting the urge to shout at Paddy. He didn’t even plan his own husband’s funeral. He felt like shit.

 

“Robert?” Paddy tried.

 

“WHAT?” Robert snapped. His hands gesturing out but never letting the inside of his leather jacket pockets. 

 

“I miss him too. We all do!” Paddy said comforting and calm.

 

And this was the moment Robert’s shoulders dropped and his head fell to his chest, one hand covering his eyes as he started to sob uncontrollably. Paddy approached him slowly and pulled him in for a hug. He didn’t even tried to comfort Robert with words. They both knew Robert wouldn’t care for them anyway.

 

After a few seconds, Robert took a deep breath and moved away from Paddy. “I need to go!” Robert said and Paddy watched as Robert quickened his pace up the road again.

 

Robert had been walking for what must have been like hours, because he was suddenly surrounded by darkness and unsure of where exactly he was.

He recognized the wood bridge just a few feet in front of him and started to walk over to cross it, only to be flooded by the memories of Aaron leaning on the railing, looking down at the running water. His body froze, not running to him like he had 3 years ago. He knew Aaron wasn’t really there. He knew it was his mind playing back that memory in an attempt to punish or maybe even comfort him. He couldn’t see the difference now.

 

If only he had not left Aaron at the scrapyard that day. Things would have ended up differently. And Aaron hadn’t felt trapped by Billy trying to explain what had happened in prison. Aaron told him what had happened the day Billy died. 

 

Aaron was working, dismantling an old Astra when Billy showed up worked up by the exchange they had in the pub earlier that day. Billy was laughing carelessly with Tracy when they had arrived. Tracy had said a passing comment about how the situation was daft and they should just talk it out. And Aaron just snapped at her, saying how she didn’t have a clue how Billy was really like. And the moment Billy was stood from his seat, Robert had pulled Aaron back into the backroom before the situation got heated. Aaron tried to remove himself from being near to Billy and tried to walk away into the portacabin as soon as Billy said they were going to talk about what had happened in prison.

 

Aaron tried, at least at first, to ignore Billy. He had managed to drop the steering column from his hand when he heard the words from Billy’s mouth. “It wasn’t personal. I did it to survive. When you’re in there, you do stuff you don’t wanna do. You know that! You weren’t exactly a saint either.” And Aaron had snapped before he could reach the steps of the portacabin. 

 

“You’re right.” Aaron had said through gritted teeth. “I didn’t made any one else life miserable though. I didn’t beat anyone up and went and hide behind a group of cowards pricks!” Aaron shouted shoving Billy back from where he came.

 

“So that makes you better than me?!” Billy taunted. “You beat up a bloke and that wasn’t even when you were in prison. So what was that about? Some attempt of justice because you couldn't deal with your own shit!” Billy Shouted.

 

Aaron had grabbed a handful of Billy’s coat, crossed his arm across Billy’s chest pushing him back. “You know nothing about it! You know nothing about me!” And just when he was going to punch him, his fist flew past Billy’s head and landed violently on the brick wall behind him. He closed his eyes and pulled Billy from the wall and shoved him back with all his strength.

 

“You don’t know a thing about me!” and turned around walking to the portacabin again. He heard a scream from behind him, a rumble of pebbles, a quick smothered gasp and the yard fell into a sudden silent. 

 

When he had looked back and approached Billy, all he saw was the gray pebbles turning red around where Billy head had fallen. He panicked, ran into the portacabin to grab his phone not sure what to do. He called Cain.

 

Cain showed up at the yard, before Aaron had managed to even leave the portacabin. Cain burst into the cabin, pulled him up from the corner he had hidden and ordered him to leave.

“Get out of here. Now!” Cain had commanded. “Aaron!” He shouted when he didn’t get a reaction. “Go home. I’ll sort this!”. And Cain did what he did best. Managed the situation, tried to keep Aaron out of it, until the day the police had arrived at the pub to arrest him.

 

Now Robert watched as the water in the creek flowed, up from where he stood. He found the sound of the water flowing below almost soothing, distracting, making time fly by faster and emptying his mind. 

 

Time, he remembered, that he wouldn’t have anymore with Aaron. No more of the morning attempts to stay in bed for 5 more minutes. No more late night on the sofa watching some movie as an excuse to cuddle up to each other. No more long weekends watching over Aaron play on the floor with small colored toy blocks, Seb looking up at him, giggling, like he had found the solution to every single one of the universe conundrums. Or at least the ones related to putting two lego blocks together as Aaron explained how it was yet another sports car. First it had been daddy's Porsche, then daddy’s Mitsubishi. And they couldn’t wait to be able to do it all over again with Lilly.

 

They had finally found a suitable surrogate from Leeds. They had met her on one of their weekends away. She was 28, dark brown hair and light hazel eyes. Not that it had mattered how she looked like. Caro was a social worker and had volunteered in several children charities. Aaron had been rude to her when he asked her why she was okay with giving away her baby to perfect strangers.

 

“Because you want a family and I can help you with that. Simple as that.” She had a sweet smile on her face and soft look. “And because I can’t imagine you both would be doing this only for the fun of it.” 

 

And that was it. They arranged a few more meetings to discuss some of the details, she had agreed to consider them as surrogate. She only had one condition: to never treat her as the mum. At first the request sounded strange, afterall she would be the child’s mother. 

 

“It’s not that I don’t want to think that I am actually the biological mother.” She had explained.”It’s just that I want YOU to think that you will be the parents that will raise this child. Not me. And that is what mums… or dads do…” She smiled as her face lit up with a sincere but emotionally charged smile. “I won’t be doing it in this case. You will!”

 

Carol was on the beginning of her third trimester by now. The preparations before it all happened were at the stage where the gender had been revealed, the name had been chosen and the nursery had been painted with a light turquoise colour. Aaron refusing to even say the word aloud and settling on “sea green” and adding “on the light side” just because. Robert never told Aaron he prefered that description to “turquoise” just because it had become a thing for them. Robert trying his best to keep a straight face when he interrupted Aaron mid sentence every time they talked about it.

 

The thud of footsteps on the wooden floor of the bridge brought him back. Liv approached him to stand by his side. He took a deep breath before surrounding her shoulder with his arm. 

 

“Shouldn’t you be at Zak and Lisa’s?” Robert asked not looking back at her. She had been crying by the sound of her shallow breaths.

 

“They are having tea.” She said as a matter of fact without explanation.

 

“It’s what people do.” Robert added.

 

“Apparently.” She stated. “Not you, though.”

 

“Yeah, Wasn’t hungry.” Robert shrugged fighting the tears.

 

“Me neither.” Liv said before bursting into tears hiding her face under his arm, 

 

“I know.” Robert said not able to move or explain anything else. There was no need.

 

They walked back together in silence, Robert kicking the few odd pebbles he found on the way. Liv stayed under his arm most of the way, only parting when they reached the Mill entrance.

 

“Cup of tea?” Robert asked.

 

“No, I should get back.” Liv said 

 

“They’ll be worrying, I’m sure.” Robert explained.

 

“Can you do me a favour?” Liv asked shyly. 

 

“Anything, Liv!” Robert didn’t hesitate.

 

“Can you turn on your phone? In case I need to call you. You know. For stuff.” She said unapologetic. 

 

Robert pulled her into a hug and avoided putting his head on the top of hers. She had added a few inches to her height now, but remembered all the times Aaron did it and he didn’t want to take that as his.

 

When Robert opened the door to the Mill after leaving Liv at the Dingles, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights. He navigated blindly the room, opened the drinks cabinet and poured himself a whisky. He took the gass and the companion bottle and sat on the sofa hands on his knees.

 

He glanced around the room before taking off his leather jacket throwing it over the coffee table to the one seater in front of him. His phone had been left untouched and disconnected for the past days on the coffee table, not thinking on anyone he would want to talk to. Now he had promised Liv that he would be there if she needed him. He hesitated a few seconds in the anticipation of all the notifications he would receive once he turned it on. His peaceful hiatus about to be broken by the flood of reminders. He took a swig of his whisky and turned the phone on. He placed it on silence and watched as the screen started blinked frantically with all the messages and notifications. After 3 full minutes of pings and rings, he texted a simple text to Liv.

 

“I’m here”. 

 

He smiled as he placed it on the table top again. He noticed the time as he settled in the sofa and placed a hand over his eyes. It was 22:34.

 

He hadn’t had the chance to find the elusive sleep his body was craving but his mind was refusing, when his phone pinged noisily with annoyance insistence.

 

23:56

_ Meet me at our place. Bring my ring. A x _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me in the comments what you think. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert will never let Aaron go. That is the biggest certainty Robert has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm sorry for everyone who waited for an update. I don't even know why I even do this. I started this before the news of Ryan leaving and since then I couldn't face writing it again knowing that something similar was happening on screen, only it was Robert and not Aaron. It has been really hard for the last few weeks but I want to give an update at least for not leaving in that horrible cliffhanger. For now I'll leave it as it is as I'm probably not going to have the strength to continue it. I lost count of the amount of times I wrote and rewrote this. It is still a mess. But it is all I could manage for now. Thank you to anyone who commented and left kudos before.

Robert’s eyes widened as he read the message. He didn’t recognize the number and immediately thought that this was someone’s idea of a sick joke. He looked around the room just to be sure no one was actually there, before asking himself if this was just a dream, his mind playing tricks on him. He dismissed the idea when he got up and felt the pain from his shin hitting the coffee table. Not a dream then.

For a minute, his mind raced through a world of random thoughts.   
Is it really him? It can’t be! Was it an old message from before? I’m I imagining things? This is our place! When? Now? Am I going crazy? God I miss him. And why the ring? Should I text back? Should i call the number? Please don’t do this to me! I just lost him, i don’t need to go through it all over again. I should call the number. Yeah that’s it. I’ll do that.

Robert dialed the number and immediately recognized the “number not available” recorded message. When he looked back at the text he focused on the last words: bring my ring.

As he tried to convince himself that he it wasn’t just someone taunting him, he ran upstairs to their room and rushed to open the bedside table drawer where he had left Aaron’s ring, when he noticed it on the top of one of the pictures he had collected the first night he tried to sleep after the news. He had tried to surround himself with everything that reminded him of Aaron. His hoodies were all out of the closet, his wedding suit hanging on the bathroom door where he could see it. He clearly remembered having stored the ring in the original ring box and placing it inside the drawer. For a moment Robert felt the need to call out for his name knowing there would be no answer. The idea got stuck in his mind, completely aware of the impossibility of Aaron to be there, but regardless he still called out his name into the emptiness of the room.

“Aaron?!” Robert called out, expectantly, for an answer. None came.

This was their place. And here was Aaron’s ring. 

“Aaron?!” Robert called out again, this time his voice breaking. 

The room kept quiet around him, a sense of emptiness and void kept growing inside him. There was no sound of running water coming from the shower, a clear sign of Aaron’s usual presence. Nor the mildly annoying snoring that Robert now craved to hear again. The soft ruffle of bed sheets shuffling around Aaron’s body whenever he reacted to Robert’s touch, Aaron’s body instinctively inching closer to Robert. It was always followed to a long peaceful sigh from Aaron’s lips that filled Robert’s heart with happiness and certainty.

Certainty that was now gone.  
His body fell to the ground against the wall, dragged down by the emotions, but mostly by the weight of how empty he felt.

He pulled on his hair as the tears fell down his face. He wanted to scream and shout and be mad at someone. At the world if he could. He would die himself if it meant he could see Aaron again. Robert had felt many feelings in his lifetime. Anger, loneliness, resentment… But he had felt so much more with Aaron: love, care, belonging, happiness, friendship, family but all he felt now was the void Aaron had left behind. And the missed opportunities, the time wasted, the things he took for granted…

There was a surge of emotions when he heard the rain start outside. The light drizzle hitting the glass window on their room and running down on the window glass mimicking the tears falling down his face. His mind travelled to the memories. That’s all they were now. Memories. 

And those memories took him to all the places where he felt loved. Where Aaron would be there. Present. Alive. His fingers rolled his husband’s ring in his palm, the memory of his first attempt of a proposal in the dusty barn. How nervous he was, but how certain at the same time. There was a time where he had doubts. Doubts that were eating him alive then but still kept pulling him to Aaron. The only time he had felt real doubt, was the day it all started. When they first kissed. His hands were clammy hidden inside his leather jacket. Robert too nervous to breathe, but still closing the distance to Aaron before retreating, almost giving up. Aaron’s gruff voice brought his resolve back and he just went for it, turning Aaron around and kissing him like he had wanted since the first time they had spoken. Looking back at it now, he felt embarrassed for how obvious it would have been to Aaron of what he was doing. He still played the game, letting Robert play his hand and following his lead of an obvious fake car breakdown. He waited for Robert’s move, knowing that this was the game they were playing, and kept playing since the first day on that layby.

Robert’s eyes widened. A sudden realization hitting him. 

“The fucking layby!” he shouted into the room and quickly got to his feet and run downstairs and outside into the rain.

 

\--------------------------

 

“Aaron?!” Robert whispered still inside his car when he saw a hooded figure behind one of the trees lit up by his car headlights. He opened the door and got up from the Porsche driver’s seat when he heard a voice coming from the far side of the woods.

“Turn the lights off!”

When the car headlights hid inside the bonnet and the layby was surrounded by darkness the hooded figure stepped out into the road and uncovered his head revealing the familiar lines of the face that Robert had been dreaming for days. There was a painful smile on the beautiful man’s face, welcoming him, pulling him in. Automatically, Robert’s feet started to close the distance between them, each step faster than the next, finally bring him closer. There was no distance between their bodies when Robert’s hands automatically reached for the man’s face, cupping him in his large hands, touching, feeling, making sure it was real. His fingers travelled across the man’s cheeks, reveling in the sensation of the beard in his fingers, their eyes locking into each other, both filled with tears, smiles, gasps and sobs of joy and relief.

“I’m so sorry!” Aaron said in between choked tears. “I’m so sorry!” But all Robert could do was look at those bright blue eyes despite the dark, still full of life. He felt the immediate urge to feel more, to be more certain, to never let go and fell into Aaron’s body, arms around the man he loved, that he always would. Robert buried his face in the crook of Aaron’s neck, nosing on the skin, taking in Aaron’s familiar scent, jaw glued on Aaron’s neck, lips resting on top of the uncovered patch of skin of his shoulder, the drizzles of rain hitting his face.

Aaron’s hands welcomed him naturally. With no hesitation and with the same familiar gesture, his head fell against Robert’s on his shoulder and hands roaming the back of Robert’s hair. They both needed the time to feel the physical closeness again, attempting to erase the pain of solitude from the last few days.

The distant voice sounded again across the silent of the woods. “We need to hurry up, someone might see you in the middle of the road.”

Aaron’s hands grabbed Robert’s arms, pushing him out until Robert’s faced him again, foreheads keeping them close, enough to feel each others breaths.

“I’m so sorry!” Aaron repeated softly, the tone so low and apologetic that Robert felt it in his heart. He had been through hell the couple of days, but nothing could overcome the feeling of having Aaron back.

“You’re here!” Robert whispered incredulous. “Tell me I’m not having another weird dream and Val won’t be appearing anytime soon.” Robert said closing his eyes, wishing for this to be real, for them to be real again. His head shaking not wanting to face the loneliness again.

“What!?” Aaron asked trying to decipher Robert’s words.”Rob? Yes. I’m here. We’re both here! Look at me! Are you okay?” Aaron tried to find Robert’s eyes, only to find them still closed.

“I’m scared. I just want this to be real. I want to kiss you, but I’m scared that if I do, all this won’t be real. I don’t want to go back to when you weren’t around… I just can’t.” Tears fell down his cheeks, eyelids shut with such intensity that Aaron could see the tears escaping profusely between his thin blond eyelashes. 

Aaron hands left Robert’s arms to find the side of Robert’s face. His thumbs swiped gently across his cheek bones removing the traces of the moist path the tears had left while traveling down. Aaron’s lips hovered over Robert’s, inching closer and closer, Robert feeling their noses touch and fit like they always did. He felt the light brush of Aaron's soft lips on his, the thick hairs of Aaron’s beard tickling his upper lip.“I’m here!” Aaron said, assuring, lips finally making contact, drawing the air from Robert’s lungs. Aaron’s lips moved on his, inviting him, featherly but unwavering. There was no doubt on Aaron’s kiss, just certainty.

“I’m here!” Aaron said again, lips still touching, both men sharing their breath under the black starry night, the rain blessing them as they kissed.

Robert, cried out a relieved laugh, a mesmerized look when he opened his eyes again and looked up at the sky, a silent prayer in them. “God, I love you!” He almost shouted into the air pulling Aaron against him, arms around his shoulders, holding him close and tightening his grip not wanting to let the feeling go.

“Arrgh.” Aaron moaned with pain against his ear and panic set on Robert’s face again. 

“Aaron?!” Robert lift Aaron’s head that had dropped to his chest. “What’s wrong?”

“Still sore here, mate” Aaron said placing his hand on his abdomen where the stabbing wound would be.

Robert eyes, filled with tears again. “I’m so sorry, Aaron!” Robert placed his hand over Aaron’s on his abdomen. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Rob, just still a bit sore.” Aaron answered assuring Robert he was fine.

“Are you sure? Still can’t believe you are here”. Robert grabbed Aaron’s hands against his own chest, his hands tightening around Aaron’s as if to restraining him to go anywhere. “Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?” Robert asked realising that not even a week had gone by after he had received the news. 

“About that...” Aaron started, shifting his body on his feet. “I can’t be… since I’m supposed to be dead.” Aaron said trying not to be too blunt.

“But you’re not!” Robert whispered in desperation clutching their hands together even tighter. “And you still have to explain how that happened?” Robert said not letting go of his husband’s hands.

“Cain sorted it.” Aaron paused before continuing. “And Alex.” His eyes roamed Robet’s face before sighing and looking down at their joined hands on Robert’s chest.

“What? How? What you mean Cain sorted it? And how’s Alex involved?” Robert asked fidgeting while trying to meet Aaron’s eyes.

Aaron looked up into Robert and sighed again. “Details don’t matter. I just can’t go back. I’ll go to prison, you know that.” Aaron contemplated Robert’s reaction for a second before continuing. “I made a mess of things. I’m so sorry!” His own eyes filling with tears joining the rain drops in his cheeks.

“Don’t” Robert interrupted him, his forehead resting against Aaron’s. “You’re here. That’s all it matters.

For a few moments, they ignored everything around them. The silence of the night enveloping them in their own cocoon of time stood still and ignoring the fact that they were both trembling from the cold of the winter rain and the shock of being together again. Nothing was more comfortable and warm than being in each other’s arms. 

There was a distant sound of a car engine starting up that brought them back to feeling the cold on their faces, almost freezing by now. 

“How’s Liv?” Aaon asked breaking the silence already knowing the answer.

“She’s been staying with the Dingles. I’m sorry, I know I should have stayed strong for her, but I couldn't do it. It was too hard.”

“I know.” Aaron said pulling Robert by his neck, forcing him to rest his head on his shoulder and placing a kiss on his temple. “I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

Cain’s voice interrupted them from afar. “Oi. We have to get going!” 

Robert lift his head from Aaron’s shoulder in a swift panicking movement. “Where are you going now?” Aaron found Robert’s eyes expectantly for the answer.

“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry but I know us. We wouldn’t be able to stay apart for long if you knew. I couldn’t take it anymore, that’s why I convinced Cain to let me see you. It was killing me inside.” Aaron said, his voice reassuring Robert of the pain he also felt by being apart of the man he loved.

“And I need to tell you one other thing.” Aaron said, preparing Robert for what was coming next.

“I’m leaving after… “ Aaron pause as he hesitated saying the words out loud. He closed his eyes in preparation for Robert’s reaction. “... the funeral.” He waited for Robert’s mouth to finally close after recognizing all the emotions of fears and shock in the million micro facial expressions on Robert’s face.

“What?” Was the only word Robert was able to verbalize.

“If i stay….” Aaron started, his tone struggling to remain calm, even if his voice trembled on each word. He felt his breath quicken, voice breaking and fought against it to complete his thoughts. “If I stay, i’ll go to prison for a long time.”

“Where are we going then?” Robert said hurriedly, without delay.

“Robert?!” Aarron called for his husband’s attention by cupping his face with one hand, tears forming again for what he was going to say, already hating himself for having to do this.

“You can’t….” Aaron fought against the shudder on his body and the sobs interrupting him. He looked up, and sighed heavily, sniffing through the tears and wiping them away with his sleeve. 

“Aaron?! What you mean I can’.....” Aaron interrupted him 

“God this is so hard...” He gasped, almost choking on his own breath and tears, the words refusing to come out. “I thought I could do this…. I don’t want to do this… I hate myself for doing this to you…” Aaron ran his fingers across Robert’s hair and looked painfully at Robert. “...to us....”. He continued pulling Robert’s forehead down placing a longing kiss. “I broke all the promises. I’ve broken us. And i don’t know how we are going to survive this. I want to. God knows how much I want to, but it’s this … or prison. And I don’t know which one is worse.”

“Come home with me.” Robert said in one gasp. “Just for tonight.” Robert pleaded with his voice and his arms around Aarons waist preventing him to move an inch from him.

“I can’t Robert. It’s too risky.”

“I need you. And you need me. We need us. Even if it’s just for a couple of hours.” Robert would try to postpone the inevitable for as long as he could. “I’m not getting no for an answer”.

“Robert!” Cain voice came from behind Aaron. “We can’t stay here all night. We need to go. I knew this was a bad idea.”

“Come on then, take me home.” Aaron said smiling through his tears loud enough for Cain to hear it.  
“Are you mad?” Cain shouted between them.

“I’m going home tonight, even if it is the last thing I do.” Aaron said with resolute on his stare.

\--------------

“Promise me one thing.” Aaron said softly against his husbands hair both laying still clothed against each other in their bed, Robert’s arm across his waist, pulling him closer, his head resting on Aaron’s shoulder.

Robert waited before giving an answer, delaying anything that would make him think that Aaron would be gone in a few hours.

“Can it wait for a little longer?” Robert decided because he couldn’t hold the silence for any longer. 

Aaron smiled, his hand joining Robert’s in his torso. “Yeah, it can wait.”

Robert pushed his head towards Aaron’s lips that were hovering him. The kiss was slow. Painfully and deliciously slow. Their hands finding each others face, fingers slowly fitting on their places on each others skin. The choreographed movements of theirs heads pursuing each others mouths, lips and tongues. There was no rush or agenda to reach an end. It was simply a long continuous movement of enjoying each other for as long as they could. Robert nuzzled against Aaron’s nose when the lack of oxygen on their lung forced them to separate their lips.

“I love you.” Robert whispered against Aaron’s lips.

“And I love you.” Aaron replied instantly, chasing Robert’s words.

Robert parted his hand from Aarons to reach for his pocket and raised Aaron’s ring in front of them. Aaron quickly raised his own meeting Robert’s, stretching his finger. When the ring found its rightful place, Robert kissed their linked hands watching their rings glint in the dark.

“We need to stop doing this.” Aaron said, pensive, contemplating their hands. “Putting them on and off.”

“I agree.” Robert nodded against Aaron’s cheek. “You should keep it. It looks better then on the box.”

“Rob!?” Aaron’s voice was filled with surprise.

“I know what it means, Aaron. And I have no doubts about it. Wherever, whenever, remember?”

“I can’t ask you to do this.”

“Your not. I’m choosing to. And it’s not negotiable. Not for me at least.” Robert said expectantly waiting Aaron’s response.

“I should know better than negotiate with an idiot.” It was said with a warmth laugh that made Robert hearts swell.

“Good!” Robert adjusted himself against Aaron’s body, neither of them wanting to fall asleep. It might be only for a few hours, but for now they were more than satisfied with the simple physical presence and the emotional certainty that this time would be well spent by simply being here, together. As if time could stop and they could hibernate in the comfort of their need to be together.


End file.
